A blog to check out

Okay, so I don't agree with everything on this site, but she definitely articulates the struggle I find in the gaps of ife.

http://www.ordinarycourage.com/my-blog/2009/3/18/perfectionism-and-claiming-shame.html

Grace Filled Gaps

So much is happening in the soul of a fresh empty nester that it scares me to write a blog. That's why the posts have been infrequent. Still letting the pearls be spun in my heart by the Great Pearl Maker, but I'll just say this for now....there is grace in the gaps of life. As I walk through this huge chasm I call a gap for alliteration purposes, I have come to realize the wretched and empty ways I have attempted to fill them in. ...the gaps that were supposed to lay there and be tended to by God...not me.

More on these gaps to come..stay tuned in.

Betrayal

John, in the New Testament, describes in chapter 13, the intimate evening Jesus had with His disciples. They had been out in the public scene and had come in for an evening of reclining and dining together.

Quite suddenly, so it seemed to the disciples, Jesus stands up and begins to take off his outer garment. This would prevent his garment from getting in the way of what He needed to do next.

He needed to flesh out a paradigm shift in thinking. He was going to practice the servant's responsibility of washing everyone's feet....including the one.

You know the one. The one who had recently been spun by Satan and been given the gift of an evil idea. The idea to betray Jesus. So, here and now, while Jesus is preparing to serve the disciples by washing their feet, Judas, the one, is still stewing and brewing on the idea of what he could do with a few pieces of silver.

Jesus knew it.
Jesus washed his feet anyway.

Okay, so.... what does this mean? Does it mean I serve and move towards my enemy in love?
Does it mean I sluff it off as a superhuman thing that only Jesus could and should do? Does it mean .....you fill in the blank.

The application changes with our circumstances, but the principle remains.
Principle: Jesus came to make sweeping shifts in the way human beings think and act towards one another and to make a way for us to be cleansed, through necessary blood sacrifice, from the inside out and thereby obtain a living and organic relationship with Him, the One who created us in the first place.
Application: No matter where we've been or what we've done, Jesus, knowing what we were going to do, died anyway 2000 years ago. Because I have my being and identity in Him, I can show this grace likewise in my actions, perceptions, and interactions with/of Judas kinds of people; and by the way, remember when you hadn't gotten it yet?

I'm asking God to get Easter deeper into my spirit, down into my bones, and help me breathe the reality of what it means for my life TODAY in all my dealings with people and life.
I desire Easter to thrive in my mind, will, and emotions.

Who is your Judas? How is Easter affecting you and your Judas? Maybe your Judas is a habit or a hang up that betrays you every day and fools you into some false belief you repeatedly act upon. Just sayin, and thinkin....

Share what the events of Easter are doing in your life and the circumstances surrounding your Judas...

Motivational Integrity

Sometimes it is really hard to understand people. I consider myself a student of people; observing, watching, anticipating, sensing what is going on in their life and what decisions they are or will be making. Of course, I am merely human and not God in this context so I will never quite understand all the mysterious workings of the human mind, will, and emotions.

I do know this. In the angst, He is there. In the gap, He is there. When there is brokenness and strife and disappointment, He is there. When we are not enough ( and we never will be) in whatever circumstances we find ourselves in, He is there.

I also know this. He holds the mysteries for us. Some things-mainly the whys- will never be explained in this life. But I find tremendous comfort in knowing He holds those mysterious wiles and whys for me.

This world and all it's circumstances, unmet expectations, and disappointments is not HOME. This drives me to be okay with the earthly angst, unsettled-ness, and transient mindset. The Lord Jesus Christ is my prize; not this place, not what I accomplish or don't, and certainly not the human people. I love people, but they are not my prize. Therefore, I am free to be true to Him and His ways of doing things, and not driven to please others. In Grace/Christ freedom I will have the energy to serve people, not please them. Living to please people is the most debilitating and draining way of life.

It is a wonderful thing when one lives to honor Jesus and that in itself pleases people.

"Am I not trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10

Who or Whose-that is the question

I have many specialists in my life. People who have their specialties in life and ministry. Some are preachers, musicians, teachers, ,counselors, mommies, theologians, some are writers, and even in each of these categories they are specialized even more. It appears to me that one of the advantages of specializations allow one's life to flow all together. I liken it to driving an automatic. Put it in drive and simply go.

I drive a stick shift. I find myself pushing down on a clutch and shifting gears all day long. I'm not whining about having something to do as I love a full platter. However, I do feel fragmented. I would like to honestly master the things I do, instead of finding myself toiling at so many different kinds of things, never quite feeling mastery over any of them.

For example, mothering adult children in various places, administrating church stuff, counseling clients, teaching addicts about God's design for family, helping a friend on a book project, on the decorating committee, being a homemaker, post abortion/pro-life ministry, and children. I feel passion about all these things. I do realize there are seasons in our life as well.
I said, as I left one of these encounters feeling like a wrung out old rag , "LOrd! Where's my niche? Can't I have a niche' that is mine, where I'm really good at something, and able to give all my passion to it? Where is it? Everyone else has one. I want one of those."

Silence. Sweet silence. Then the still small voice came. "I" am your specialty. "I" am your niche'. Just follow me, be concerned for MY glory, and I will always be enough for you in the things I lead you to each day. "I am" your niche.

Okay, I can do that. Thank you Lord, for not letting me go off and whine .That was pretty cool how you kept the people I called that night so busy they couldn't answer the phone. John 15--- "Remain in me." Some he calls into niches. I am so glad because I learn so much from you niche people. Keep up the good work. I'll keep shifting...it's all Kingdom stuff.

When I Wonder #3

When it rains, it pours. Or shall I say, if in grief mode, just do it all the way.

Three years ago my daughter went to college. It wasn't far, just down the road. But that road felt like an ocean. The day we moved her into her freshman dorm I cried buckets all the way home. BUT, I have been able to see her on the weekends, spend the night in her dorm room, and even enjoy an occasional lunch with her on campus. God was very gentle with me when the first bird flew from the nest. As you know, the second time wasn't so gentle. Greyson moved to Australia just 2 short weeks ago...and that road is an ocean- and a couple of continents- and an equator!

Last night was one of those blessed nights when I could drive over to meet my daughter for dinner at her request. She had something to talk about with me- and her dad, but I'll leave him out of this for now.

"I don't think I'm coming home this summer." MMmmmm. ooooh... ooooh-kay. My thoughts raced back to the days of my junior year and beyond. I never went back home for the summer either. I was busy with the world I had built for myself, enjoying my independence, and loving my life. I knew this was coming. I know it is really good. I know that I know that healthy ripping is natural. But it still feels like ripping.

She is to me what Greyson has been to his dad. She is my princess and feminine companion in a house with two other very manly men and all the burps, belches, farts, and wrestling in the pool, a best girlfriend, an energetic thing of beauty that makes me want to get up and be a better person. She is transcending me. And I want to hang on for dear life. But I can't. I have to let go again, and I will. Just give me a day or two. Okay, maybe a week or two...or what-EVER! I'll get there, but God help me to enjoy her beautiful wingspan as she flies further and further into your arms and out of mine- into your plans and not mine. I have a feeling she will be an ocean across someday as well.

I have a thing I say to my kids...especially now as it is their responsibility to grow up, learn interdependence, and decide with their will what their life will be. Just simply, "Go get it" or "okay, let's do this thing."

Lord, help me to graciously do this thing.

When I Wonder #2

I was with my parents this past week doing some work we occasionally like to do together. Part of our work is the work of grieving some tragedy and losses we have experienced in the past 6 years. This reminded me of another life experience collection my son went to Australia with.

Greyson spent the better part of his grade school years getting up early on Sunday mornings to go with his dad who would supply the preaching at some church who was for one reason or another missing their pastor. Greyson loved to get up, dress up like his dad, and go see these different churches and sit on the front row and listen to his dad preaching. On many occasions Guy would return home to tell me how Greyson had gone to the alter during the reflection time and would pray OVER his dad. He would put his hand on his dad's shoulder while his dad knelt and Greyson would bless his dad through prayer.

When my family experienced the death of Guy's dad, my younger brother, and Gaby and Greyson's 13 year old cousin all within a period of about 3 1/2 years, Guy, as lead clergy in the family, buried all these loved ones. Greyson, again, got dressed up like his dad, and stood on the same podium and sang at the funerals of his loved ones, all before the age of 13.

This explains some things, not because he sang, but because he was engaged and involved and invested. Singing just happened to be his service. It does explain his propensity to spot a hurting person and be able to connect with them in that hurtful place in their heart... His ability to write down words about hurtful experiences and put them in a song... His understanding that there is something mysterious but very real about this thing, God; not in a pretentious way, but a very real and raw way. He wants it to be real in him (or not at all, I might add), and if he participates in the delivery of hope in any way he desires it to be delivered in a real way and in a way that touches the people he is serving.

These life experiences can be very helpful at a time when you are encountering hundreds of new people from all over the world, being required to completely set life up- no dorms, no furniture, no fridge, no air (40 celcius, 103 degrees) and get yourself up, fed up, and cleaned up on time- or else you are fined. Yes, fined for being late or getting an assignment in on late. ( A little firey motivation never hurt anyone and fines mean less of something else. The college fund does not have a category for "fines.")

I am happy to report, he's faring well for today. God is showing up all over the place in connections, relationships, worship encounters, and even strangers. But it helps to have some life experiences to springboard from in all these new things.

So, as mommy in the empty nest, I have an enormous amount of peace right now. He is in better hands that he has ever been (cause he is definitely out of the reach of mine!)and his heart carries alot of resources he can draw from...besides the obvious.

More later on When I Wonder and other thoughts from the empty nests that baby birds fly far from.

When I wonder

The boy is gone. Or shall I say, the boy-man is gone. It's really quiet, tidy, clean, and quietly quiet ...did I mention how quiet it is?

When I wonder how the boy-man is handling all the emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual challenges of his new world, I am able to recall a memory that reminds me he has a life experience base that will help him figure alot of things out.

The memory that came to mind today when I found myself "wondering" was when he and I sat together in the living room of yet another Beirut home when he was only 12. The man of the home had his commando camo clothes on and was trying to have a conversation with Greyson all to himself. (The first beheading of that time was being shown over and over on the television set in the same living room we sat in) We will call the man of the house the "commandoman" for the purposes of this blog.

The commandoman was trying to get Greyson to hold a clear juice glass filled with boiling tea as tight and long as he could. Greyson, smiling and trying valiantly to play along, would hold that boiling tea as long as he could. (I had one eye on the woman of the house yelling at me about something and one eye glued on my boy and the commandoman). After about a dozen attempts to building up Greyson's endurance, Greyson was glancing over at me mumbling in english, and the commandoman was laughing, hollering, and jeering with arabic and broken english. Eventually, Greyson managed to satisfy commandoman's exploits, charmingly took the challenge and maneuvered himself quite well.

I hadn't thought of that memory in a long time. It helped me as my mama heart found itself wondering today. I think the commandoman moment is one little deposit in the life experience bank that may serve him well in some difficult moments that come. After all, it's not just about the boiling tea in a juice glass on the bare hand at the age of 12 with a beheading in the background; it's the willingness and wherewithall to roll with it, take some ego blows, and walk away with your chin up...not in a sinful pride way, but in a inner personal dignity kind of way. Sorta the kind of stuff you need when faced with so much newness in such a short amount of time, having not had the chance to fully predict and calculate ahead of time.

Stay tuned for future "When I Wonder " posts on the life of the empty nest from which baby birds fly far from.

My Steel Magnolias

I really value the friends that God has put on my present life path for such a time as this---letting go and entering into a new stage of life -especially since the segway hasn't been so easy.

A friend who knows how to pray and does so: and wishes to remain anonymous

A friend who inspires me: My daughter, Gabrielle

A friend that comes and works and helps: Donna

A friend that helps me laugh: Mary Jane
A friend who provides perspective, when I need a younger one: Emily
A friend who helps me not take things so serious: Silver
A friend I can call any time of the day -or night: Tami
A friend who listens and doesn't judge: Carole and Mary Jane
A friend who readily shares her lessons learned on a similar path: Becky
A friend who wants to go to lunch and be in a funk together : Jan
A friend who always, always finds the encouraging truth to tell me: Margaret
A friend who understands the ins and outs of warfare as well as healing: Stephanie
Friends who would do life beside us no matter what: The Atchisons and Brandon
My best friend who sees it all and loves me anyway: My husband of 24 years, Guy

Proverbs 17:17 "A friend loves at all times."
II Cor. 1:3-4 " Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."

God, please teach to me to be a faithful and loving friend.

Last Sunday was the candle of Peace. This Sunday is the candle of joy. I pray that this month I will display Hope, Peace, Joy, and as next Sunday represents, Love. This is hard. It is a month of serving people intensely. This month I prepare to send my son to another country- a country I have never been to, a country he will live in for a year. Peace, joy, hope, and love?

I have peace that God is leading and will continue to lead.
I have joy in knowing there is a strong possibility my son will launch into the next stage of his growing up life and advance a bit further into manhood.
I have hope that he will fasten himself to Christ in this next season in ways that will carry him throughout the rest of his life
I have love and compassion on him as he moves tenderfooted into the next stage of his life, being carried through with the love of Christ, family and friends who have always believed his perspective on life combined with his gifts of creative and honest expression would serve to advance God's kingdom in some surprising way.

Honestly, somedays I don't feel hope, peace, love and joy and everyone can testify! I am actually biting my nails in between sentences here. I know I will never have peace, joy, hope, and love as a result of my own doing and gumption; But I can have it already in the person of Christ; I just have to get over myself each day in order to agree to get in on it with Jesus!

May these four things be in us as we celebrate Christmas with our sweet families...maybe for the first time, maybe for the last time (unbeknownst to us at the time)and maybe for the upteenth time. Hope, Peace, Joy, and Love to you.

Hope

I don't have anything big to say. Just this. If you are hoping for someone you love to discover Christ or re-discover Christ, or if you're hoping that the money will come through, or if you're hoping that there really is a God, or if you're hoping to be forgiven, or you're hoping to feel forgiveness, or you're hoping that a child would come home...keep hoping. Just keep hoping in Christ. Step out of God's shoes, let go of trying to manage outcomes, pray, and watch God work ...if not in them...in you. Keep hoping.

Forgiveness and Hurt

As a counselor, I run into situations with people where there has been so much hurt. Forgiveness is necessary in order to move on, however, it is not a journey to be rushed. The standing of forgiveness with God happens at the moment we give it to Him, but forgiveness between humans takes some time. Here are some thoughts on forgiveness:



For the Offended

• it's really about letting go (right to punish, control, or get revenge)


• let God administer the justice ( He will do it so much more effectively)


• release the offender from the feeling of having to prove self or perform for the offended


• who are we to think that the offense was so horrendous that the incredible, excruciating, humiliating, scorging death of Christ was NOT ENOUGH to cover the offense or our deep hurt


• refusing to forgive is not an option for the believer, but timing of the release is important


• consider the question: "am I afraid of what will follow letting go?"

Thoughts on anger (which is usually found on the path toward forgiveness or the path of waiting for forgiveness):

• anger is hurt turned inside out


• deal with the hurt and anger will subside


• a curse-filled mind is driven to care more about appearances


• a grace-filled mind is anchored in the true condition of the heart


• "fixing" will only lead to feeble attempts to try to change the other person


• gracious serving keeps a heart tender and open to receive God's grace in the situation

For the Offender

• God in Christ Jesus is the true forgiver and source of all human forgiveness


• Stay tender toward Christ and the one offended until the offended completes their process of entering into forgiveness


• Be transparent and open about the offense so God can gather an audience in time to see Him glorified at the point of final release and forgiveness


• Continue in your walk with Christ and act like a forgiven person with tremendous gratefulness.


• Proceed in your life with brokenness and tenderness toward the offended in order for their heart to be open to healing


• Pride and secrecy blocks complete healing in both parties

I have witnessed horrendous acts be forgiven and surrendered to the loving grace of Christ and watched people move on in their life with a beautiful ability to comfort others with the comfort given to them on the journey of hurt and forgiveness.

May it continue to be so....Be encouraged...it's a beautiful thing. By the way, all principles and scriptures apply to forgiving ourselves...

(Ephesians 4:31-32; Luke 6:27-28; 1 Pet. 3:9-12; Ps. 30:11-12; Colossians 3:8,12-13)

God's Voice

I was reading recently and came across a great dialogue about the voice of God. Let's have some inspirational fun. Think about how God directs you. What does his voice sound like?

Someone said it was like giant snowflakes peacefully coming down. Another one said it was a whisper in her heart. Please post a comment and describe God's voice.

To me, it is fatherly and gentle and entreating.

Grief

I thought it might be a good time to put some words down about living through loss in our lives. In an effort to live in obedience to God in everything, I find myself writing about the negative things in life...alot. The negative things in life hurt and people need truth and grace especially when they are hurting. I do not wish to capitalize on the doom in our lives, but to capture the life-giving truths we can extract from them.

Isaiah 45:2-3 ( look it up-you'll be glad you did) tells us that there are treasures in the darkness, hidden wealth in secret places. Although the context of this passage deals with physical wealth and treasures in the plunder, these truths translate into the passages of our hearts as well. The bottom line is that God wants His people (then and now) to know Him and that He calls His children by name. Calling us by name is an intimate act. You know how different "I love you" sounds when you add the name, "Roxanna, I love you"...especially when we're hurting.

The darkness of loss holds treasures for us if we will search for it and know God is calling us by our name in the midst of it. I would like to share some excerpts about loss from a book called Life After Loss by Bob Deits.
In regard to growing through loss on p. 99 he says, "Growth means gaining a new love and reverence for life. It means shifting your attention from the ordinary to the quality elements of life... Growth is a greater awareness of our mutual need for each other and of the sacred dimension of life... "

I'm not saying we should treasure loss or the grief. What I am saying is that the growth, the creativity, and the open doors that eventually open after loss can be considered gifts and treasures. But for the Christian, the person of Christ and His presence is the treasure in the process. If we didn't have loss, we might not experience the intimacy with Christ that happens as He dispenses His grace and presence into our lives as we call out to Him in our loss.

We experience all kinds of loss in our lives. Loss of dreams, loss of an idea, loss of a loved one through death or legal divorce or emotional divorce, loss of health, loss of finances, loss of a home, loss of lifestyle. Missionaries experience all kinds of loss in life when they enter into a new culture in it's entirety. An empty nest is a major loss for parents. If you think about it, we lose all along life's way.

Here are some quotes I like from this book that might be helpful:

• "''I know how you feel' can be words of comfort or sound like fingernails on a chalkboard."
• "Believe that your grief has a purpose and an end."
• "To go through grief also is to grow through grief."
• "Grief is not only a door-closer. Grief is also a door-opener."
• "Grief is as much about finding as it is about losing."
• "There are no shortcuts to a good and full life after a major loss."
• "...new skills, talents, and compassion emerge...." (History teaches us that in times of economic depression and struggle, it is a perfect time for inventors and entrepreneurs to emerge with fresh ideas to meet the needs of the day. )

Earl Grollman says in his book Times Remembered, "It's a risk to attempt new beginnings...Yet the greater risk is for you to risk nothing. For there will be no further possibilities of learning and changing, of traveling upon the journey of life...You were strong to hold on. You will be stronger to go forward to new beginnings."

I know some of you out there and you are walking through great loss. Relationships, jobs, faith and life long dreams. As some teenagers I know would say, "I feel ya." It is a sacred privilege to walk beside each other in it. No matter your losses as of today, be encouraged; the way out of grief (or pain) is through it. If we commit to the treasure in it, we will find great wealth and be found rich.

When I am afraid

When the children were young and one or both of them would become afraid, I had a special song I would sing to them.

When I am afraid I will trust in God
When I am afraid I will trust in God
When I am afraid and I can't see my way,
I will trust Him, He cares for me.

This morning the Lord reminded me again to not be afraid.
He showed this to me because I am afraid and I can't seem to see my way clearly.
But I will trust Him, and I know He cares for me....and everyone I love.

"Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord is my strength and my song." Isaiah 12:2

Sometimes it helps for friends to trust for us until we can.... or until we can more.

Anyone want to?