Today my breakfast burrito buddy and I trekked out together to go get what we think is the best breakfast burrito in town. We arrived. He got the coffee---Keene Coffee on 17th and Irvine in Newport--and I went to the deli next door and purchased the burritos.
You know what makes a really good breakfast burrito? Good conversation. Good canadian bacon inside the egg burrito. Talking about dreams. Fresh homemade salsa inside and out, and taking the time to reconnect. Of course, the sunshine, outdoor seating, and handsome face were nice, too.
I love my breakfast burrito buddy. His name is Greyson.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
letting go
The reason I write this blog is to have an outlet to express the things I am learning or having trouble learning. This one is definitely about something I am struggling to learn.
The first time I remember learning about "letting go" was probably when I was figuring out how to throw a softball. The coach was trying to teach us when to let go of the ball as we positioned our arm for an accurate throw to the pitcher or all the way home to the catcher. I can still feel the softball in my hand and what it feels like to throw the ball fast and accurately from first base to third base. Once you learn the movements you never forget them. I can still hear the sound of the softball hitting dead center in the top left third of my mitt.
Spiritual letting go is what I'm working on right now. The spiritual letting go of my need to control, fix, cure, or cause...more specifically, letting go of the outcomes in a person's life ...someone I love and care deeply about.
Initially I asked myself, "what is the difference between letting go and giving up?"
The Lord showed me there is always hope and so letting go is not giving up because giving up is making a decision to not hope. When I let go it goes into the hands of God. When I give up on people it is dead end and an act of hopelessness.
Then I had to ask myself this: "If I let go and give it to God, then what is left for me to do after I let go of the outcomes? After all, I like to hang out until the project is done. See if it turned out okay."
Then I decided to ask people to pray for me in learning how to let go. One day in my own prayer battle I cried out to God to please help me let go. Peace came as I eventually wrapped my brain around the idea of the Lord being able to go places I can't go, say things I could never think to say, and change a person's heart. I slept well for a couple of days. I had peace. Then ....
I felt guilty. I felt guilty for no longer investing my own resources, getting involved in the cure, the fix, taking control and manipulating toward godly outcomes. After all, isn't the Christian life about helping, mothering, advising, keeping things under control and securing an image so that God can be glorified?
What I think I am learning is this: The degree to which I am willing to let go of fixing and controlling the outcomes in someone else's life, is the degree to which God may be able to freely work in this person; especially if I'm not constantly interjecting my two cents, working hard with my mouth and my will to get things to turn out right. You see, my culture says that I can be enough to fix someone and my emotions show me the way to truth. If I believe my culture, I will actually believe that I can be the cause, cure or control. I can change someone else's will or the outcomes of their life.
The degree to which my pride is motivating my desire to control, is the degree to which God is blocked from having the freedom to enter into my circumstances and show off His power and abilities. II Cor. 12:9 tells us that God's grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness. In other words, step out of God's shoes and get out of the way. Let God have the chance to show up and show this person the way.
New experiment. Working pretty good. Get out of the way. Slight relapse last evening, but back on track today. Much like the other areas being transformed...forward, then back, forward some more. Today, new concept. Perhaps letting go is more about running to...
Psalm 9:9..."those who know your name trust in you, for you ...have never abandoned anyone who searches for you." Psalm 61:2-3 "From the ends of the earth I will cry to you for help, for my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to...safety...my safe refuge..a fortress..."
My translation: God is trustworthy, hears my cries for the one I dearly love, will not abandon ship,especially in a storm, and gives me security as I turn over control to Him.
Now, I shall watch HIM work. I will hang out in the tower while I have meaningful connection, maintain healthy boundaries, and extend grace as I am filled with grace in this relationship with my loved one. I will pray without ceasing.
Would love to hear about your letting go.....teach me more.
The first time I remember learning about "letting go" was probably when I was figuring out how to throw a softball. The coach was trying to teach us when to let go of the ball as we positioned our arm for an accurate throw to the pitcher or all the way home to the catcher. I can still feel the softball in my hand and what it feels like to throw the ball fast and accurately from first base to third base. Once you learn the movements you never forget them. I can still hear the sound of the softball hitting dead center in the top left third of my mitt.
Spiritual letting go is what I'm working on right now. The spiritual letting go of my need to control, fix, cure, or cause...more specifically, letting go of the outcomes in a person's life ...someone I love and care deeply about.
Initially I asked myself, "what is the difference between letting go and giving up?"
The Lord showed me there is always hope and so letting go is not giving up because giving up is making a decision to not hope. When I let go it goes into the hands of God. When I give up on people it is dead end and an act of hopelessness.
Then I had to ask myself this: "If I let go and give it to God, then what is left for me to do after I let go of the outcomes? After all, I like to hang out until the project is done. See if it turned out okay."
Then I decided to ask people to pray for me in learning how to let go. One day in my own prayer battle I cried out to God to please help me let go. Peace came as I eventually wrapped my brain around the idea of the Lord being able to go places I can't go, say things I could never think to say, and change a person's heart. I slept well for a couple of days. I had peace. Then ....
I felt guilty. I felt guilty for no longer investing my own resources, getting involved in the cure, the fix, taking control and manipulating toward godly outcomes. After all, isn't the Christian life about helping, mothering, advising, keeping things under control and securing an image so that God can be glorified?
What I think I am learning is this: The degree to which I am willing to let go of fixing and controlling the outcomes in someone else's life, is the degree to which God may be able to freely work in this person; especially if I'm not constantly interjecting my two cents, working hard with my mouth and my will to get things to turn out right. You see, my culture says that I can be enough to fix someone and my emotions show me the way to truth. If I believe my culture, I will actually believe that I can be the cause, cure or control. I can change someone else's will or the outcomes of their life.
The degree to which my pride is motivating my desire to control, is the degree to which God is blocked from having the freedom to enter into my circumstances and show off His power and abilities. II Cor. 12:9 tells us that God's grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness. In other words, step out of God's shoes and get out of the way. Let God have the chance to show up and show this person the way.
New experiment. Working pretty good. Get out of the way. Slight relapse last evening, but back on track today. Much like the other areas being transformed...forward, then back, forward some more. Today, new concept. Perhaps letting go is more about running to...
Psalm 9:9..."those who know your name trust in you, for you ...have never abandoned anyone who searches for you." Psalm 61:2-3 "From the ends of the earth I will cry to you for help, for my heart is overwhelmed. Lead me to...safety...my safe refuge..a fortress..."
My translation: God is trustworthy, hears my cries for the one I dearly love, will not abandon ship,especially in a storm, and gives me security as I turn over control to Him.
Now, I shall watch HIM work. I will hang out in the tower while I have meaningful connection, maintain healthy boundaries, and extend grace as I am filled with grace in this relationship with my loved one. I will pray without ceasing.
Would love to hear about your letting go.....teach me more.
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