Valentine's Day

I am so sad about Valentine's Day sometimes. It seems our culture has made it into the make or break testing day for relationships. The build up that girls can get in their heart about what might or might not happen on February 14 is likened to the hairspray buildup the morning after prom. The build up is stiff with expectations, sticky like glue, ratty like a rodent nest and in bad need of a good shampoo.

Why does the rise and fall of a relationship rest on this ONE day? Didn't love and commitment and care show itself in the Sunday out for lunch just a few days ago? Can love and commitment show itself in the fact that the roses came a day earlier because the man had enough sense to watch his budget this week?

Quite frankly, I like it when roses, candy, and fancy dinners show up on the off days. Every time my husband and I have even tried to go out to dinner on Valentines we were skunked at the door with a 2 hour wait. I have learned that true romance is not found in a heart shaped box and red roses given in tradition on one day of the year. Personally, if that was the only day of the year my honey showed up and did so because it was marked on the national holiday calendar, I would be deeply hurt. Yesterday my husband worked his rear off as a pastor and professor. He worked 12 hours - 3 of which were in the car to teach, visit nursing homes, counsel, visit hospitals, and work at the church. I was so happy he was smart enough to arrange for the roses earlier in the week (which surprised me) and not try to cram it in an already horrendous day. We didn't go to a chain restaurant for dinner, we went to an off beat ribs joint in our jeans and got bar-b-que sauce all over ourselves and drank Vernor's gingerale. We are Valentines all the time...even when we don't like each other. Let me explain.

We didn't go out because it was Valentine's day. We went out because it was date night. We have been married for 22 years and can only count on two hands in 22 years the number of Thursday nights we did not go out on a date. Do you think all those Thursday nights in 22 years were filled with emotional love and euphoric delight? No. Valentine's Day just happened to fall on our date night this year...so we did what we always do on Thursday night. We go on a date...

You say, well that's expensive. No not really. Not if you put it in your budget and date night is KNOWN by your children, bosses, family, friends, and parishnors.

You say, well, that's pretty routine sounding...mmm. not very romantic. You bet your conversation hearts it is romantic! Every time my husband disciplines himself to do something that nurtures our marriage regardless of how he feels about me at the time, I am deeply romanticized. Anybody can order roses or look happy when they indeed are feeling happy. But it takes a very romantic MAN to do it even when he's tired of me, irritated with me, angry at me, confused by me, etc. That's a true romantic.

Ladies, what happens to your heart the day after Valentine's Day? He spent alot of money and even had it delivered to the office in front of all your friends, and then took you out to dinner. Does your heart sink tomoorow because now you have to wait another year to see the romance?

Look for the everyday romance your honey or your husband does that looks like it's only paying bills, showing up for work, and coming home again to a wife and kids!

It's not a bad thing to have a national holiday for romance. We lose the true meaning when we lose perspective, forget the true author of romance, and get our hearts in a twit because we didn't get what was entitled to us romantically. Now go and love and be loved...TODAY - the day after Valentine's Day and the day after that.